I've come to the conclusion
that any mother who says she loves being a mom and couldn’t see herself doing
anything else is flat out lying. You may
wonder how I managed to work this out.
Maybe I did a study? Handed out
questionnaires? Visited the Dalai Lama? Developed mind reading capabilities? Well, while the last two options are included
on my bucket list, none of them apply to my current enlightenment. The fact is that as a mother myself I just
KNOW those other women can’t be telling the truth.
To be honest, it makes
me feel more than a little guilty to admit that maybe, just maybe, sometimes I
don’t like being a mom. I mean, it has
its good moments and I wouldn’t wish that I never had kids. It’s just that after twelve plus years of
being wholly responsible for two other human beings I’m tired. Tired of cleaning up after them, reminding
them, worrying about them, arguing with them, driving them, making decisions
for them, cooking for them, cajoling them, keeping tabs on them, buying things
for them, etc, etc, etc. I mean, humans
really got the short end of the stick raising their young. No other creature in the animal kingdom has
to put up with their offspring for 18 years!
Any momma bird with sense would leave the nest herself after a few
months. Maybe this is why some animals
eat their young?
Paradoxically, there
are times I feel like I’m being eaten alive by my own brood. Piece by piece, bit by bit, who I am is slowly
being devoured by the ones I gave life to.
It starts innocuously enough with just a few nibbles out of the time you used
to have to do the things you enjoyed.
But soon it develops into full blown cannibalism. GULP!
Your name is gone and you become “so-and-so’s mom”. CRUNCH!
Your time is devoured with your motherly tasks. SLURP!
Your identity slips quietly down the gullets of your children. One day you wake up half eaten and can’t
remember who you are or what it was you once dreamed of doing.
So how do we moms stave
off the feeding frenzy and retain our identity, not to mention our sanity? I sure the hell wish I knew! Sometimes it feels like a daily effort not to
run screaming for the hills. Summer time,
and spending every waking minute with my children, tends to have this effect on
me. Where is that beach vacation when
you really need it?
3 comments:
LOL! I love the post. Brutal honesty is sometimes hard to come by in the magical world of parenting. Maybe it's because boogers, perpetual exhaustion and supersonic whining isn't very glamorous. I love being a parent but there are weekends when I'm grateful that it's Monday and I can go back to work. Hey - maybe you've hit on a writing topic . . .
Thanks! I really enjoyed writing this piece. It came straight from the gut (not the heart, lol). It's easy to be honest, but hard to share when you're uncertain how that honesty will be taken. While it was pretty easy to write about this subject, I'm not sure it would make a good writing topic for me. I'm struggling with the difference between creative writing (or fiction) and personal reflective writing. When those two get mixed together, it's uncomfortable for me. In other words, I need to be able to detach myself from my character's voices and know that it's not ME speaking, while still identifying with them. That's what I'm currently working on in a piece that I'll soon post on the other blog :)
I completely understand. Writing can be a great escape, just like reading. I look forward to reading your new piece.
Post a Comment