Beach Needed for Half Devoured Mom

I've come to the conclusion that any mother who says she loves being a mom and couldn’t see herself doing anything else is flat out lying.  You may wonder how I managed to work this out.  Maybe I did a study?  Handed out questionnaires?  Visited the Dalai Lama?  Developed mind reading capabilities?  Well, while the last two options are included on my bucket list, none of them apply to my current enlightenment.  The fact is that as a mother myself I just KNOW those other women can’t be telling the truth. 

To be honest, it makes me feel more than a little guilty to admit that maybe, just maybe, sometimes I don’t like being a mom.  I mean, it has its good moments and I wouldn’t wish that I never had kids.  It’s just that after twelve plus years of being wholly responsible for two other human beings I’m tired.  Tired of cleaning up after them, reminding them, worrying about them, arguing with them, driving them, making decisions for them, cooking for them, cajoling them, keeping tabs on them, buying things for them, etc, etc, etc.  I mean, humans really got the short end of the stick raising their young.  No other creature in the animal kingdom has to put up with their offspring for 18 years!  Any momma bird with sense would leave the nest herself after a few months.  Maybe this is why some animals eat their young? 

Paradoxically, there are times I feel like I’m being eaten alive by my own brood.  Piece by piece, bit by bit, who I am is slowly being devoured by the ones I gave life to.  It starts innocuously enough with just a few nibbles out of the time you used to have to do the things you enjoyed.  But soon it develops into full blown cannibalism.  GULP!  Your name is gone and you become “so-and-so’s mom”.  CRUNCH!  Your time is devoured with your motherly tasks.  SLURP!  Your identity slips quietly down the gullets of your children.  One day you wake up half eaten and can’t remember who you are or what it was you once dreamed of doing.

So how do we moms stave off the feeding frenzy and retain our identity, not to mention our sanity?  I sure the hell wish I knew!  Sometimes it feels like a daily effort not to run screaming for the hills.  Summer time, and spending every waking minute with my children, tends to have this effect on me.  Where is that beach vacation when you really need it?

Fort Casper

The view that greeted me coming down the stairs

Remember those days when you were a kid making forts out of blankets, chairs, sheets, and whatever else you could find?  I remember making a lot of those in our basement with my brother when I was a kid.  I always loved hiding in them with books or a notebook so I could read or write in my own private place.

Today I've been nagging the kids to go outside and enjoy the nice weather.  It's 85 and beautiful! When I yelled downstairs earlier for them to "Get outside and play!" the reply that came back was "No!  We're not done with our fort!"  My first inclination was to be irritated that they told me no, so I gave them a ten minute time limit to finish and get their butts outside to play.  Well, an hour later, they were still not outside.  I ventured downstairs to see what the damage was, and was greeted by a wall of sheets.  I sneaked down with my camera and shot this picture of them in the darkness; all curled up in sleeping bags while playing video games together.

Dark, cozy kid cave

TV and game system included in cave

Now, while I'd prefer that they get outside and play, you have to admit that they are at least doing kid type things that require creativity and cooperation.  Although, as for the cooperation part, I suspect Anna was the project manager and builder all in one while Seth sat by and watched.

I  often feel guilty about letting my kids stay inside to watch TV and play video games.  I mean, when I was a kid, the TV was turned off most of the day (there wasn't anything on anyway), we didn't have game systems, and we survived just fine.

Now, as you can see from the picture, our basement is wired for sound complete with cable, Xbox 360 and unlimited movies through Netflix.  Wow, to be a kid nowadays!  I suppose a little harmless fort building and TV watching on a Saturday afternoon can't hurt the kids any, and at least they're not arguing, which is really saying something.  I guess I'll relent and let them stay in today.  Tomorrow, however, will be a different story...maybe.