Thoughts on being an Army wife and working mom...

Friday, June 15, 2012

Beach Needed for Half Devoured Mom


I've come to the conclusion that any mother who says she loves being a mom and couldn’t see herself doing anything else is flat out lying.  You may wonder how I managed to work this out.  Maybe I did a study?  Handed out questionnaires?  Visited the Dalai Lama?  Developed mind reading capabilities?  Well, while the last two options are included on my bucket list, none of them apply to my current enlightenment.  The fact is that as a mother myself I just KNOW those other women can’t be telling the truth. 

To be honest, it makes me feel more than a little guilty to admit that maybe, just maybe, sometimes I don’t like being a mom.  I mean, it has its good moments and I wouldn’t wish that I never had kids.  It’s just that after twelve plus years of being wholly responsible for two other human beings I’m tired.  Tired of cleaning up after them, reminding them, worrying about them, arguing with them, driving them, making decisions for them, cooking for them, cajoling them, keeping tabs on them, buying things for them, etc, etc, etc.  I mean, humans really got the short end of the stick raising their young.  No other creature in the animal kingdom has to put up with their offspring for 18 years!  Any momma bird with sense would leave the nest herself after a few months.  Maybe this is why some animals eat their young? 

Paradoxically, there are times I feel like I’m being eaten alive by my own brood.  Piece by piece, bit by bit, who I am is slowly being devoured by the ones I gave life to.  It starts innocuously enough with just a few nibbles out of the time you used to have to do the things you enjoyed.  But soon it develops into full blown cannibalism.  GULP!  Your name is gone and you become “so-and-so’s mom”.  CRUNCH!  Your time is devoured with your motherly tasks.  SLURP!  Your identity slips quietly down the gullets of your children.  One day you wake up half eaten and can’t remember who you are or what it was you once dreamed of doing.

So how do we moms stave off the feeding frenzy and retain our identity, not to mention our sanity?  I sure the hell wish I knew!  Sometimes it feels like a daily effort not to run screaming for the hills.  Summer time, and spending every waking minute with my children, tends to have this effect on me.  Where is that beach vacation when you really need it?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

LOL! I love the post. Brutal honesty is sometimes hard to come by in the magical world of parenting. Maybe it's because boogers, perpetual exhaustion and supersonic whining isn't very glamorous. I love being a parent but there are weekends when I'm grateful that it's Monday and I can go back to work. Hey - maybe you've hit on a writing topic . . .

Heidi said...

Thanks! I really enjoyed writing this piece. It came straight from the gut (not the heart, lol). It's easy to be honest, but hard to share when you're uncertain how that honesty will be taken. While it was pretty easy to write about this subject, I'm not sure it would make a good writing topic for me. I'm struggling with the difference between creative writing (or fiction) and personal reflective writing. When those two get mixed together, it's uncomfortable for me. In other words, I need to be able to detach myself from my character's voices and know that it's not ME speaking, while still identifying with them. That's what I'm currently working on in a piece that I'll soon post on the other blog :)

Anonymous said...

I completely understand. Writing can be a great escape, just like reading. I look forward to reading your new piece.