Update to the quest

First, some pictures illustrating the reason for my quest...

So, I was encouraged to reply to the comments on my “Finding balance – the age old motherly quest” post, but have been reluctant because I don't feel like I've come any further in my understanding than the first time I posted. Of course it's great to hear that I'm not the only one going through this challenge - mother or not! On a conscious level I don't really believe that I'm the only parent out there trying to balance life, family, work, etc. But on a subconscious level it is somewhat reassuring to wallow in my own misery and pretend to be a martyr :)

After reading the two comments to this post, I did two things. I cleaned house and I made a list. While cleaning house made me feel better, it didn't really improve the situation. The list has been sitting on the counter since I made it a month ago and nothing is crossed off. In fact, I'm afraid to look at it because of the guilt I know I'll feel that nothing has been done. I thought more than once about mapping out my week, and almost tried to start one day. But I never got as far as pencil meeting paper and decided that it wasn't something I thought would be valuable, otherwise I would have already done it.

The idea of finding balance has been on my mind a lot, though. Every Friday I try to convince myself that this will be the weekend that I accomplish a super human amount of work: I'll catch up with my masters, clean the house, spend time with family, exercise and complete lesson plans for the whole week before Monday! Surprise, surprise, it never happens.

As I mentioned in the original post, I have realized that my teaching job takes up the majority of my time. Two weekends ago I spent the ENTIRE weekend mapping out what I plan to teach in my classes until spring break, hunting down great websites to share with the kids and writing detailed lesson plans for the coming week. It was great! I felt ready for Monday! But, I didn't spend one iota of time on my master’s class and felt guilty about it all week knowing that my mentor would be calling soon to check in. And I would have the same old song and dance to tell her "Gee, I just couldn't get to that assignment again! You know, work is so busy. Life happens. I'll get to it this week - I promise!" Wow. I might as well say the dog ate my computer.

Last weekend I didn't worry about school other than grading some tests. I decided instead to focus on that master’s class and get an assignment turned in. Amazingly, I was able to finish that assignment! It felt great! Then I just had to get over the guilt of not doing any lesson plans. But it felt so good not to do work at home that I reminded myself again that I shouldn't have to bring it home in the first place! After all, I'm not getting paid overtime.

So I put a plan together for this week to see how it goes. 1) I will go into work an hour early since I don't have to drop the kids at the bus stop this week (they have spring break). 2) I'll stay up to an hour after school (which I normally do anyway). 3) I WILL NOT bring work home with me at night so that I can enjoy the family, some relaxing tv time, and maybe do a little work on my masters class.

Yesterday I got there an hour early and was able to get some work done. But I decided not to stay late and instead broke my third rule and packed up my stuff to bring it home. My computer, some tests that needed correcting and various textbooks went on a field trip to my house where they sat untouched in the kitchen all evening.

Today I got to school just on time (thanks to snow packed roads), had a meeting after school and left promptly after that - sans the work! Man, was it hard to leave the computer and textbooks at school! I did bring a couple tests home to grade but haven't gotten to them yet. I can say that not having that computer bag mocking me from the kitchen tonight felt pretty good!

So, obviously, I'm still looking for balance. But I like the direction I'm going. New rule: keep the work at work. It will be hard for me to get used to this, but I think it is doable and may make me work harder to get things done when I'm at work, rather than just relying on bringing it home to finish up.

Thanks for the encouragement! I'll keep you posted on the quest! By the way, this is the view that greeted us this morning after an overnight snowfall. Hard to believe I have trouble finding balance in this beautiful place, huh? And these pics are from our bedroom deck!!

The age old motherly quest - finding balance

The house is quiet on this Saturday morning. Steve has gone to pick up the kids from a sleepover at the Boys and Girls club, and then take them to Seth's basketball game. But the silence will soon be broken. So, I'm going to take advantage of the few quiet moments I have left to reflect on the last couple months. Yes, it's been two months since I've posted! This is what I was afraid of...that as much as I want to keep up a current blog of what's going on with our family, ultimately the family life will make it impossible to keep up! Quite the conundrum.

I often look at other mothers I know and wonder how they do it. How do they raise a family, nurture a relationship with their spouse, have a career, and keep their sanity and identity in tact?! It seems to me that many mothers are able to make this balancing act work - but who knows what's really going on benea

th that unperturbed family surface. The quiet of my morning has allowed me to reflect on what's preventing me from having that balance. Let's see, a full time job teaching in which I have at least five different duties (teaching English, Spanish, elementary Spanish, ELL and coaching knowledge bowl), a masters degree in progress that seems to be stretching out indefinitely (I might be done with it by April of next year), a full speed ahead family complete with two active kids who have busy schedules of gymnastics, basketball, cub scouts, sleep overs, play dates, homework and sibling battles, a husband who is busy with his own career and often gets home late. (As I write, the family has just arrived home and the silence is broken. Hopefully this blog entry gets finished!!). (update - it is now two and a half hours later since I wrote that last line). Besides all of that, there are things that I would like to do for myself; reading, scrapbooking, exercising, writing, cross stitching and traveling just to name a few!!

After thoughtful reflection, I think I've recognized where the imbalances are. The facet of my life that seems to be getting the most attention right now is work. Granted, I'm there 9 hours a day, five days a week. But the work consumes me; I bring it home with me, I work on it in front of the tv in the evening, early in the morning before everyone is up, on the weekends (usually most of Sunday), and yet it never gets DONE! There is always more to do to make my teaching better, and if I don't feel good about my day at work and the teaching I've done, I feel pretty miserable. In solid last place is taking care of myself, and a close runner up right now is working on my masters. This is something else that makes me feel miserable, but I just can't find the time (or motivation) to do it. Squished firmly in the middle between these two ends is the attention I give my family and husband. So it seems that my priorities are all topsy-turvy.

In a perfect world, I should put myself as top priority with my family and husband right behind that (a happy mommy is a healthy mommy!). Next should be work and my masters in fairly equal measure. But how does this really WORK? Is it even possible to put less emphasis on my work and more on myself? Is anyone out there making this happen??? Or maybe I should ask, is any teacher

out there making this happen? Certainly I believe that some career paths require less outside attention - teaching is not one of those. Or is it just that I have such high standards for my work that it wouldn't matter what career I was in, I would always expect the most of my work to the detriment of everyone and everything else in my life?

Those who know me, know that I am a list maker; although I've tried very hard the last several years to move away from this habit as it usually stresses me out even more to see what is NOT getting crossed off the list. This tendency to categorize everything in order to understand and conquer it has given me the recent idea that maybe it would help if I mapped out a week to see just how I am spending my time. Then I could strategically plan how to use my time to my benefit once I see where the imbalances and inefficiencies are. Sick, huh? It's like having a computer plan my week for me without the realization that life cannot be boxed or predicted. I've done this in the past with monthly meal schedules thinking it would save me time and money. Funny how quickly the menu went out the window because I got home too late to cook, something last minute came up, or waffles just sounded better! This is my idea of efficiency - spending an inordinate amount of time reflecting and mapping out my life to the eventual realization that I could have spent that time taking a nap instead. So what to do?

I'm opposed to the idea of new year's resolutions because I have never been able to follow through with one longer than a few weeks. But I feel like maybe I need to resolve myself to something. Upon reading my friend's post, I found out that last week was the beginning of the Chinese New Year and "The Chinese New Year tradition is a great way to reconcile; forgetting all grudges and sincerely wishing peace and happiness for everyone." Apparently part of the tradition involves cleaning the house to sweep away bad luck. I like that idea! One of my favorite tv shows is "Clean House" with Niecy Nash. All I have to do is WATCH that show and I feel like my life has been transformed along with the family in the show! There is something cathartic and symbolic about cleaning and organizing your house to that degree. So how do I clean house for myself? How can I sweep away the cobwebs and bad thoughts in my head that keep me from enjoying the blessings that I've been bestowed with? Obviously I don't have the time (nor do I think it's necessary) to go on a cleaning spree of my house in a bid to have a cathartic experience. But maybe something symbolic of my desire to make a clean sweep would suffice? And maybe a resolution in conjunction with the Chinese New Year would be more lucky than jumping on the band wagon of the traditional new year resolution hype? If anyone out there has some wisdom on how a mother can find balance in her life, please share! This mother is tired of the balancing "act" and is looking for some balancing reality! By the way, the pictures are from Steve's annual training conference back in December that I said I would post a long time ago. It sure is fun to play dress up once a year!!

Christmas Wishes!

I thought this year it would be a good idea to put my annual Christmas letter online rather than in the Christmas cards I mail out. I always love to get the annual letters to catch up on what family and friends are doing, but I feel bad when I just throw it away after reading it! So, this my attempt to "go green" :)

2010 has been a great year for the Casper family! Let me give you the highlights -

This year, I changed jobs! I enjoyed two great years at the Family Center of Durango, but ultimately decided it was time to go back to teaching. Part of the drive behind my decision had to do with the fact that I started work on my master's degree a year ago in English Language Learning. I needed to get back in the classroom and work with ELL students to really get the full benefits of my learning. I managed to land a high school Spanish/ELL position in a tiny town just 30 minutes from us in Mancos, CO. There are probably only 100 students in the high school. Needless to say, I was really nervous about teaching HS students, but it has been a wonderful experience. I can honestly say that I laugh everyday working with those kids. Not only are they funny, but they can handle the work I give them without five different explanations to Sunday. I'm also teaching middle school Spanish, and after Christmas I'll be teaching Junior English and elementary Spanish as well as Spanish 2 for HS, and ELL for middle and high. Lots of hats to wear because it's a small school, but the staff and kids are great, so it makes it easy :)

Steve is now the station commander at the Durango recruiting station. He's been in that position for a little over a year. They've downsized the station so he only has one other guy that works with him, but they still exceed the numbers every month! This coming week we will go to his annual training conference when they also have the awards dinner. I'm sure he'll be receiving more awards this year :) I'll take pics and be sure to post next week. Another highlight for Steve this year is that he bought a 2010 Mustang GT in grabber blue. It is his baby! Unfortunately, it is in the garage for the next couple months due to the snow. He's also put a different engine in his 1984 Jeep, which is his project as well as his winter transport.

Anna is now in 7th grade and getting more beautiful every day. I posted her picture above just to prove it. She's 12 going on 16, but I enjoy her more everyday. I think Steve has a hard time understanding her most days, but I guess that is to be expected :) She still competes in gymnastics and went to state again last summer where she took first on beam and third all around for her age group! We are very proud of our amazing gymnast! While she was hoping to play volleyball this year, we didn't make it back in time from Oregon for her to try out. But with four days a week of gymnastics practice, I'm not sure how we'd fit another sport in. Now that she's 12 she's anxious to start babysitting - she loves little kids and babies. We have her signed up for a babysitting training in February that she can't wait for.

Seth is growing like a weed. The pants we bought this summer for school are now above his ankles. He gets around this by sporting the baggy pants look which Steve and I hate. I can't tell you how many times a day I tell him "pull up your pants!" This summer he played baseball and also took a skateboarding class. He really loved the skateboarding! It was great to see his skills improve so quickly over the short period of time he was in the class. He wanted to play football this fall, but we didn't get back in time from Oregon for him to join. I was okay with that considering the last time he played football he broke his arm. He is signed up for basketball which starts in January and I know he will really enjoy it. That was his favorite sport last year and for the first time ever he didn't complain about going to practice. He's moved up to Webelos 1 in cub scouts this year and seems to be enjoying it although he protested at first. I'm hoping he decides to continue into Boy Scouts, but we'll see. Other than that, he spends his time as the video game master!

That's it from the Caspers! Enjoy Christmas and the new year with your family. We hope that your family, like ours, enjoyed a wonderful 2010. Blessings to all in the coming year!

What a great Thanksgiving we had today! We started with watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. Steve made pumpkin pies and got the turkey and stuffing ready. Yes, he does the cooking! Okay, I did make the gravy and potatoes. Anyway, after the parade we decided to take a walk down to the mailbox (about a mile and a half walk there and back). We thought we dressed warm enough, but mind you it was -4 when we woke up this morning. By noon it was a balmy 21 degrees! We were all frozen by the time we got home, but we got some great pics while we were out. See the "footprint"? The kids thought they had found a bear track - which would not be beyond reason in our area. Can YOU figure out what kind of track it is? :) Once we got back home and warmed up again it was time for family games - all afternoon! First we played Monopoly and for awhile it looked like the land baron Seth would win. But he got too greedy with his houses and hotels on Park and Boardwalk and they were his downfall. In the end, Slumlord Steve won the pot. After a GREAT dinner of turkey (of course) we settled down to another game of Sorry! This time I won, but the kids did their best to prevent that. Finally, pie and mind numbing TV before sending the kids to bed. All in all, while it was an uneventful day, it was the nicest day we've spent together as a family in a long time. There were more smiles, laughs and giggles even though Seth struggled with losing two games in a row (he's a sore loser just like me!). I hope your Thanksgiving was just as blessed and "uneventful" as ours!

Today was a fun-filled day of errands! One of those errands was getting Seth's hair cut. Lately he's been sticking with a do that is short over the ears and in the back, but long on top. Today, the hairstylist was feeling a little bored, so she made the long part on a top a purple spiked mohawk! Don't worry Grammy and Nana! It's just purple gel :) I'm not sure it's exactly what Seth expected. He looked a little scared when he left the chair. Within 15 minutes of being home the gel was gone, but there is now a pink tinge to his hair where it was. I'm sure Dad will be thrilled!! If you're wondering why the mohawk is purple, it's because he told the stylist that was his favorite color. In the car he told me his two favorite colors are purple and hot pink...should I be worried?? I think it's just that the new styles coming out are retro 80s with all the neon colors. I remember Anna going through a "black" stage when she was in fourth grade (same age Seth is now). She refused to wear pink and dressed like a boy. She had Tony Hawk skater shoes and could always be seen with her black Jack Skellington sweatshirt on. She scoffed at all the girls who wore pink. Hannah Montana was on the top of her hate list. Maybe age 9-10 is the beginning of the experimenting stage where kids realize that they can be someone different just by changing their clothes or hair. Anna has since left the "black" stage and adores pink again. I guess I just need to wait patiently for Seth to leave the "pink" stage and find black again :)

Yesterday Anna and I got to spend some "girl time" together at the salon. We had a great time! She asked me on the way to the salon if she could get a blonde stripe in her bangs - hmmm. I wasn't so sure about that at first. Mostly because my mom never let me color my hair, and as a parent, you tend to fall back on how you were raised. But, I've also learned to choose your battles, and hair color is not one I choose to fight. Besides, it was just one little stripe of color - not like she wanted to dye her whole head pink (which her dad would NOT have allowed anyway). I did warn my husband when we got home that the stylist let her in on a tip: If she puts a packet of kool-aid (whatever color she wants) on the blond streak in the shower, she will have instant color for a day or two. While I don't think Steve is thrilled about the idea of her sporting a purple stripe in her hair, I think it is harmless. Anna had fun taking lots of pics with the camera at the salon. We both have before and after pictures, although she didn't make my after picture very attractive! She, however, looks really cute (or cool I should say). Of course the first thing she had to do when she got home was upload her new cool do to her Facebook page. Who got her into Facebook?

Back after a LOOOOONG absence!

I have a couple friends who have inspired me to get back into blogging. There are links to both of their pages from my page. Thanks Rachel and James! Originally I started this blog to post pictures of the kids when we lived in TN for family and friends back in Oregon (original blog name was Oregon Girl in Tennessee). I saw this mostly as an online photo album for grandparents. Then around the time of my last blog post, I discovered Facebook and decided it was much easier to share photos through that medium. Hence, the long absence. I've been engaging in Facebookery ever since and lost touch with this blog! Now after checking in with my friends' blogs, I see the value in this page of mine as more than just a photo album. It really is a place to record thoughts and memories as well. That really appeals to the writer in me! While very few (or no one at all) will probably ever visit this site of mine, I guess I will have to be content with the idea that it is a place for me to revisit my own thoughts, memories and pictures. After all, I don't have anything nearly as exciting to share as my two friends do in their blogs! Every time I come back to this site I enjoy reading about what was happening with us in years past and looking at the pictures of the kids (how much they've grown!). It occurred to me that I've really been remiss in recording our current happenings and realized I have few current pictures of us together as a family. All the Facebookery and working on my masters is responsible for that, I think. So, I'm going to start today by posting the last pics I have of us as a family together - 4th of July 2010. I'm also going to work hard to take more pictures of us together - which I think means we need to start doing more things together as a family so I have something to take pics of! I've realized after reading through Rachel's post on bringing home their new baby Grace that I haven't been cherishing my own family enough - and the kids are growing so fast! I don't want to regret lost potential family time together when the kids are grown and gone. I know my new job and working on my masters degree is partially to blame for us not spending time together, but I am working to find the balance that allows me to still have time to nurture relationships. Perhaps this little blog will help propel my motivation to spend more time with the family - I'll have to have something to blog about! Wish me luck as I work to find that balance, but for now enjoy the pics of our 4th of July on a pontoon boat at Vallecito Lake.

First snow day

We awoke early this morning expecting to have to dig ourselves out and get ready for school and work. We have heard so many times how the schools around here "never" close for snow. Only five minutes after I was up, the phone rang announcing that school was closed! Once we got outside we understood why...over 12 inches of snow had piled up during the night!

Beautiful winter scene from our front deck.

The snow reminds me of powdered sugar on a gingerbread house!

See how nicely those steps are dug out? That was all me, baby! My chiropractor will not be pleased.

There goes Steve - on a mission to dig out a Jeep! Never a day off for a US Army Recruiter! With all those seniors out of school today, I'm sure they'll be stopping by to sign up for the Army.

Who cut off Anna's legs?

Mmmm...icicle - from the grill of the truck!

Speaking of the truck...

Me, showing off my Colorado fashion sense (notice coffee cup in hand). One can never supervise digging out a vehicle without a steaming cup of Starbucks!

Notice how Seth is suspiciously missing. He opted out of the fun and stayed in to watch cartoons. Imagine that.

And for the grand finale! Take a look at the fun time had by all when Steve tried (and tried, and tried) to get out of the driveway to go to work. After all the digging he did, I know his physical therapist won't be happy! About two hours after Steve got out, the snow plow arrived and plowed the driveway :)

Mother's Day at Mesa Verde

This Mother's Day my family was super nice to me - they let me take them hiking!!! We've only been in Colorado for about 2 weeks so it was definitely time to start exploring. Mesa Verde National Park is only about 40 min from our house and really awesome (and huge!).







First we checked out ancient Pueblo Indian ruins (about 1000 years old!)














We even got to climb down into the ruins - watch your step!















After that, we hiked around the edge of the canyon and enjoyed the views. Sometimes it was a little scary being right on the edge of a big drop off.














But we had fun climbing around in the rock formations...














squeezing through rocks...


















and climbing rocks!















We even saw ancient petroglyphs.















Surprising...














and fun! Who could ask for more?

Seth's 6th birthday!!

Seth had a great birthday! It started out with present opening at 6:30 in the morning. The rest of the day was spent with him looking at his new watch every 10 minutes to tell me that it was almost time for his party to start (which didn't start until 4pm).

The afternoon was full of fun with the Banzai Falls, hot dogs, presents and cake. Lots of little boys kept the action moving!